darthfandomcom-20200214-history
Mandalorian Army knife
's Mandalorian Army knife.]] The Mandalorian Army knife was a portable instrument of death that was often employed by Mandalorians (and sometimes fanboys who wished they were Mandalorians). These knives were characterized by their "switchblade" arrangement; a single six-inch handle held a number of blades, tools, and other cringe-worthy implements that could be unfolded from their storage position and either displayed like some sort of sick trophy, or used for their intended purpose. Only one non-Mandalorian was ever definitely known to have both obtained and used one, the rock-star Jedi Jaina Solo. It is possible, but unconfirmed that Revan and the Lesbian Jedi Exile also came into possession of these items. History The first Mandalorian Army knife was invented by Mandalore the Sufficient approximately two years prior to the Great Sith War, in which Mandalorians used the knife to either slay their enemies after running out of ammunition (or for committing seppuku if there were no enemies around), or stabbing their leaders in the back so they could then get promoted. Soon, however, the weapon acquired a more ceremonial purpose, whereas various low-ranking Mandalorian soldiers would compare the size and number of different instruments in their individually-crafted knives. Some outsiders considered this to be a clear-cut case of penis-envy, but those who did were soon gutted by the weapon they sought to mock. The Mandalorian Army knife soon became a standard part of a soldier's kit, displayed on their utility belt as a badge of honor (in addition to their many other badges). When Mandalore the Ultimate unified the clans and standardized their Mandalorian Armor, the Mandalorian Army knife lost its individuality, but not its lethality. Seeing the practicality of these tools, Cassus Fett insisted on adding a shooto to the existing design, along with other "improvements". This resulted in the handle growing from six inches to well over thirteen, with a circumference exceeding five inches. No longer so easily concealable, the Mandalorians instead imbued the primary blade with beskar and cortosis, enabling them to become weapons capable of standing up to a Jedi's lightsaber. During the Mandalorian Wars, many Mandalorian Army knives were built and issued to the Neo-Crusaders. After Revan began running the show for the Galactic Republic, these weapons became popular trophies for the Jedi under his command. Penis-envy persisted in their ranks, however, as various Jedi competed to see who could collect the greatest number of these knives. When the Mass PWN Generator was activated, most of those Jedi killed were among the worst braggarts when it came to possessing the Mandalorian Army knife. After slaughtering his foe, Revan himself acquired Mandalore the Ultimate's personal knife, which was a massive thing well over three feet long, and containing upwards of thirteen thousand distinct apparatuses. After recovering from her severance with the Force, the Lesbian Jedi Exile found that a special Mandalorian Army Knife had fallen into her pocket, which was capable of adjusting the ecosystems of planets. Four thousand years later, Mandalorian Army knives, like the order of supercommandos that spawned them, were largely extinct, though Boba Fett was known to have at least two. One of these was taken from him by Jaina Solo after her training with the old fart, which she used to slay her brother, Jacen Solo, in an epic triple-bladed lightsaber duel aboard the Anakin Solo, named for their dead brother. Equipment The original Mandalorian Army knives possessed only three implements: a mini-vibroblade, another mini-vibroblade, and yet another mini-vibroblade, each with a different size, with the largest bearing serrated teeth. Almost immediately, improved versions that featured a fourth vibroblade were created, with this new extension able to grow to a size dependent on the capabilities of its wielder. As new generations of this weapon evolved, which typically did so over minutes or hours depending on the number of Mandalorians involved, the deadlier they became. One of the first effective innovations was the addition of a fusion cutter, followed swiftly by a hydrospanner, and soon thereafter by the addition of one of the first, experimental shootos. A number of enterprising knife-makers attempted to incorporate a blaster, but these failed for various reasons (not including the fact that the bolts emitted by such small blasters couldn't even puncture flesh). With the standardization of the Neo-Crusaders came the ideal form of the Mandalorian Army knife: seventeen vibroblades of various lengths, two toothpicks, a pair of tweezers, two each of hydrospanners, fusioncutters, hammers, scissors, combs, garroting wires, poison-injection needles, and mirrors, one each in a different form of measurement or functionality, and finally a miniature thermal detonator for when all hope seemed lost. When all of these tools were unfolded, the knife resembled the plumage of a peacock, and became a prized status symbol among those who could attain a knife by various means. Throughout the Mandalorian Wars, the knife was thought by the Mandalorians to be a weapon of Mass PWN4GE, however they were laughed-at by the first Jedi to encounter them. Darth Revan acquired many of these weapons after becoming a Sith Mega-Super-Overlord, but was still most impressed by the one he took from Mandalore the Ultimate's corpse where, incidentally, it had to be fished out of his arse. Mandalorian Army knives in the galaxy, both real and fake Unlike the much more common Swiss Army knife, the Mandalorian Army knife was typically only used by fanboys; one subset of this culture, dubbed Fandalorians, practically worshiped those who had succeeded in crafting such holy objects. One Fandalorian, nicknamed "Dark Chocolate Moose", asserted that he possessed a Mandalorian Army knife that had been given to him by Karen Traviss herself. However, he was recalcitrant to actually produce the pretend weapon when asked. once attempted to acquire a souvenir Mandalorian Army knife, but failed to pass the requisite "You Must Be At Least This Awesome" tests. Appearances *Most Star Wars conventions *Every work featuring Mandalorians, particularly those by Karen Traviss *Revan's Holocron Sources *That book I can't remember the name of or find, but it's definitely in there so if you remove the info again I will have you banned Category:Mando crap Category:Ways to die Category:Weapons Category:Weird stuff